I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Advice From My Mother.

I was hesitant to talk to my Mother about the situation I now find myself in for fear that I would become the topic of family gossip. I've always been able to speak my mind with her but wasn't totally sure she would support me or even understand why I was so upset.

Imagine my surprise when I learn't that she too had been refused and went on to become a counter refuser. I can always remember my Father complaining about her "Not coming to bed" and always assumed my Mother to be a refuser. It turns out that in her 30's he rejected her and in her words " I just turned off my feelings and never turned them back on". So years later when he wanted to reconnect she refused.

She even thought about leaving but felt she had nowhere to go, no government support those days. She admitted to being still bitter about how my father failed to show her any affection and now with his health failing she has to continue to do everything for him. She said it's too late for her and she's had to accept her life will not change after 57 years of marriage.

Her advice to me!
If you can live together as friends and companions-STAY. You only have one life and it goes by very quickly. Choose what makes you happy.

A word of caution:
Do not rush blindly out the door. Plan and Set yourself up with the assumption that you'll be on your own always. Don't assume someone else will be there for you to look after you physically or financially. She also said don't leave it too long or as the years go by you'll say to yourself why bother?
I asked her if she'd had a happy marriage and she answered "NO, It could've been a lot better". " Too late now". How sad after 57 years.
She said it's taken a lot for her to make peace with never having had her needs fully met. I asked "But Mum are you Happy?" to which she replied " No but I've learnt to be content with my lot."
Her parting words as we said goodbye the morning they left were" YOU LOOK AFTER YOU!"